Cuteness gone wild

*This is a venting post*

Ellen started her morning today with *NO!*
Let's change your diaper. *NO!*
Let's put on some clothes. *NO!*
Would you like cereal or eggs for breakfast? *NO!*
Please don't jump on me. *NO!*
Please don't jump on Jack Jack. *NO!*
Put your shoes on so we can go. *NO!*

I thought a hour of running around the park would release some energy. Jack fell asleep in the car on the way home and slept nicely for two hours.

For lunch Ellen wanted to put her own tuna fish on her own crackers, but she didn't want to eat any of them. Then she cut right to the chase.

"Ellen no duerme, Mommy. I'm not tired. Ellen play. Ellen juega. Ellen juega con juguetes. Ellen no duerme. Ellen no sleeping. Ellen playing."

So I let her pick out *MUCHOS LIBROS, MOMMY!* and started to fall asleep myself about 100 pages later (that is a true number). So we both put our heads on the pillow and I promptly fell asleep until Ellen jumped on the bed. I checked the doorknob and then left Ellen closed in her room, all ready for a nap, and headed to my room.

After a quick trip to the bathroom, I came out to find Ellen sitting at the kitchen table, helping herself to some tuna crackers. Jack was screaming at the top of his lungs in his room.

Yes. Ellen took the childproof doorknob cover off the doorknob and came right out. Oh yeah, and this is the third day in a row with no nap for Ellen. She can't get any of the other covers off, but she finally showed me how she did it, by hanging with all of her weight on the plastic cover and rolling her arm until it just pops off. Then she snapped the two pieces back together, dropped them on the floor and headed for the food.

So we went to Wal-mart to pick up some groceries instead. Sometimes I get really, really aggravated at Wal-mart. The end of shopping story.

Back at the house, Ellen refused to exit the car. I carried Jack Jack to the house, made two more trips to get the shopping bags, and then started working on Ellen, who was rummaging in the glove compartment for handfuls of mints.

We made it to the house and I start putting the groceries away while Ellen enjoyed a mint or six and gave one to Jack, too. I heard a choking sound and just about died. After I pounded Jack on the back he started throwing up, and then he alternated screaming and vomiting until the mint appeared. I was crying with relief.

I started dinner with Ellen and Jack begging for food, so I gave them a sliced cucumber with some Ranch dressing to dip it in to hold them off. While I had my back to them for less than five minutes, Ellen opened the refrigerator, got out the Ranch, poured half of the bottle in her bowl, and spilled the other half on the chair, which Jack had climbed onto to get his share of cucumbers. And she had gotten out the bag of baby carrots to round out her snack.

Jack was covered with Ranch dressing from the waist down. It could have been worse, I suppose. It could have been all over the floor and in the carpet. So the kids took a before dinner bath, went straight to pajamas and into chairs with trays locking them in place for an early and controlled dinner.

They were both in bed and snoring away before 7:00 p.m. I should be in bed and snoring away myself. Instead, I am providing you moms with with some knowing laughs, and you single girls with yet another reason to think long and hard about marriage and family development.

Good night, and good luck.