Loving slowly

Another awesome week at church with the kids. Elijah doesn't get to come to church with us. He stays home with Nana. Today I went with Pa and Uncle William. It was fast and testimony meeting, and I really wanted to share my testimony, so when I stood up to go up front and Ellen, Jack, and Rose all got up to follow me, I let them. I figured it would be less of a scene than to have them all screaming on the bench.

Of course I cried as I talked about being thankful for the gospel, for blessings, for a church family, and for covenants and forever families. I have nothing to be crying about, since Elijah is doing great, my other kids are healthy and happy, Jack has a job, and we all have clothes to wear and food to eat, as well as loving family and friends to share our lives with.

A couple of days ago I was suddenly overwhelmed and crying to Jack, and as he started to say, "It's going to be okay," I interrupted him to say, "I know it's going to be okay. I just wish it could be okay faster." Jack started laughing and said that sounded like something he would say.

I've thought a lot about what I said, since it was like a revelation to me as the words came out of my mouth. I know things are going to be okay. I know everything will work out. I know the big picture. I just get impatient about the details, and not knowing exactly how and when (or even if) my personal expectations will be realized. My next thought was, "What's the rush?" Just thinking about Ellen being five years old and going to kindergarten next year is enough to make me want to live perpetually in the present.

Tonight I watched the First Presidency Christmas Devotional with Ellen and Jack Jack. My boy was asleep before the first talk started. Ellen asked me for a drink while I was feeding baby Elijah, and when I told her that it was okay to go get a drink, she told me that she wanted me to go because (her words verbatim) "I don't want to miss anything."

Multi-tasking is over-rated, and I don't know why it is so hard for me to just do one thing at a time. Having little kids is good for me, and they help me remember that I don't want to miss anything either.